Friday Top 10: Drugs in Gaming

Friday Top 10: Drugs in Gaming

Digital intoxication.

In the real world, drugs are generally a pretty bad thing. You risk losing your friends, job and relationship all because you decided to go to Rob Ford’s house party. Well that’s the real world, in the world of games however drugs power you up, make you stronger, make your enemies weaker and generally turn a good time into a great time. So grab some Doritos and get all paranoid because in honor of 4/20 we present to you the top 10 drugs in gaming.

10 – Super Mushroom (Super Mario Bros.)

In a world filled with games like Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto and Gears of War surely the venerable Super Mario is innocent enough for our youth right? Wrong! Only a few steps into Mario’s first NES adventure you’ll run into a magic shroom that makes you grow in size and stomp around a world filled with smiling clouds, talking turtles and mushroom men walking around. Innocent indeed.

The enabler.

The enabler.

9 – Green Syringe (Surgeon Simulator 2013)

We trust our medical professionals to dispense drugs and medications to the right people and in the right dosage. But what happens if your surgeon “accidently” takes a good dose of the green stuff? Ya you don’t want to be having open heart surgery then either.

This is not good.

This is not good.

8 – Tranquilizer Darts (Perfect Dark)

Probably the only entry on this list that will give you a headache in real life, getting hit by tranquilizers in the Nintendo 64 classic Perfect Dark is both one of the most engaging and annoying things to happen in a game and goes to show that even pharmaceuticals can be bad for you.

Pretty strong tranq to shoot through plywood.

Pretty strong tranq to shoot through plywood.

7 – Chems (Fallout)

Chems are drugs. Vaguely disguised drugs. Drugs that make you stronger, faster, smarter, more charming, more accurate and more deadly. Looks like even a nuclear apocalypse couldn’t end the war on drugs.

Even video game drug addictions aren't funny.

Even video game drug addictions aren’t funny.

6 – Elixir Soup (The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker)

What are you cooking in there granma? Link’s grandmother may seem all sweet and innocent on the outside but once she hands off this potent brew to our young hero she knows she’s secretly giving him one of the most powerful drug combos on the Great Sea. Not only does this soup restore Link’s health but makes him stronger than he actually his. Look at those little arms! No way he’s not juicing!

The dealer.

The dealer.

5 – Green Herbs (Resident Evil)

It’s green. It’s a plant. And you’ll fight through a hoard of undead just to get some sweet herby action. Clearly not oregano.

Just say no.

Just say no.

4 – Fuzzy (Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island)

I was a kid, maybe eight or nine years ago and I knew Yoshi was high as soon as he came into contact with that floating ball of narcotics. His pupils dilated, he can’t walk straight and the world is full of crazy colors man. Yoshi if you’re going to be tripping leave the kid at home at least.

Touch fuzzy, get dizzy.

Touch fuzzy, get dizzy.

3 – Plasmids (Bioshock)

Arguably the coolest drug in all of gaming is Bioshock’s plasmids. A quick injection of these bad boys and you can shoot lightning or summon a hoard of insects. The promise of evolution was so big that it literally became Rapture’s undoing and in turn makes Bioshock one of gaming’s best games to give an opinion on substance abuse among other things.

Society's downfall.

Society’s downfall.

2 – Rare Candy (Pokémon)

Rare Candy’s are Pokémon’s version of steroids. Just a little taste make’s your little Pidgey bulk up in all stats categories and even gain a level.  Heck, some players (me included) were so obsessed with finding these little nuggets of greatness that we literally risked breaking our games to try to duplicate them through hacks and glitches. A slippery slope indeed.

Just yesterday he was cute little Ryhorn.

Just yesterday he was cute little Ryhorn.

1 – Medpacks (Too many to list)

You’re shot. You’re bleeding out, every step could be your last and another hit will surely do you in. But what’s this? Oh joy of joys! A medpack! But what’s in it? Who cares it just saved my life. Oh look here’s another one, better hold onto it just in case. And another, and another! Soon you’ll have so many that even legitimately important items like ammo, weapons, keys and maps have little to no room in your inventory. You’re hooked on medpacks and you don’t even know what’s in em.

"What's Inside?" "I don't know, but I want it!"

“What’s Inside?” “I don’t know, but I want it!”

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